My most treasured possession...

I read a couple of days ago a piece in the local news paper that some mufti in Egypt have declared the practice of Yoga forbidden for muslims.

*ROLLS EYES* The kind of stuff relating to Muslim affairs that make it to the news ... bleaaagh.

On a brighter note...

I went to a dzikir session tonight. Got there by chance, but then again, perhaps not. I am thankful for the gift of tonight. I realised how a moment can just right the wrongs in your heart, how a chain of information can all just make perfect sense...all in a moment.

"We have created man into [a life of] toil and struggle. Does he think that
no one has power over him?...Does he think that no one sees him? Have We not given him two eyes, and a tongue and a pair of lips, and shown him the two ways [of good and evil]? But he would not try to ascend the steep
uphill road... And what could make thee conceive what it is, that steep
uphill road? [It is] the freeing of one's neck [from the burden of sin], or
the feeding, upon a day of [one's own] hunger, of an orphan relative, or of
a needy [stranger] lying in the dust - and being of those who believe, and
who enjoin upon one another patience in adversity, and enjoin upon one
another compassion. Such are they that have attained to righteousness."
The Quran, 90:1-18

"Hua bu tou zhi, pan ju tuo, Qiu fong zhi zi, qian pei shau." *

This proverb speaks volumes about how my evening went today

I first encountered a series of Chinese proverbs when I read Watching the tree by Adeline Yen Mah. That was when I realized how much wisdom and depth could be contained within just two phrases.

This book sheds light on the very basic building blocks of the Chinese culture.

I also enjoy learning proverbs in Hokkien tremendously. I get tickled everytime I hear one…its just how the language sounds that just has me laughing to tears. But they are deep, mind you. Just the matter-of-fact type of Hokkien style wisdom…just sounds funny. Learning proverbs from an operator from Guangdong, who thinks it would be a waste if I dont marry a Chinese with the kind of Mandarin I speak :P

P/S: Have no formal training in Mandarin, so excuse my (attrocious) pinyin.

** Translation ^{(let me try)}  : When you cant "talk" to someone, half a sentence is too long, when you sit with good company over wine, a thousand cups would not suffice.**

My friend Trisanna who is an American expat,was telling me about her Indian friend who "is so American- that there was nothing Indian about her"...I asked her if she saw a muslim any different in America. Sanna is not your _{( I am so tempted to say *typical* but I shall resist)} compoundly ignorant moronic American. She and her husband travel a lot and are well read. 

I know she was just making saying what she honestly felt when she replied me in the affirmative and that that muslim person probably is not as American as her and that person must have something that she has not "said goodbye" to from her native land.

We didnt pursue our conversation after that..we were distracted by ice-cream.:-)

I ask my American friends ( coloured and colourless ) this...are you prepared for the fast growing number of Muslims who look like your everyday American (read : WHITE)? What makes an American? Who is an American?

Is Andrea Armstrong any less American after her new found faith as a muslim?

WARNING : SELF ABSORBED POST.

Its always me. No. Its not a complaint. Its just a realisation, an affirmation of what I  sometimes see the path my life has been about. Its not even with effort. So I cant give my actions due credit of actually being the one who sacrifices.

I just don't see the point. Maybe I dont think I deserve whatever I give up to those around me. I dont think I deserve anything. I need help with self worth. *sigh* Do I lack the spirit to fight? If I didnt would I have made it til now?

Its not low self esteem. Its just about what life has been like for me. Sometimes when I pray, I wonder if I deserve what I seek. You know, someone in the world might be praying everyday that a bomb doesnt go and no one gets killed for that day, in all earnestness, in all devotion, does that mean her prayers are unanswered when a bomb does go off and when people do die for the day? There are so many prayers more deserving of an answer. In that way, I dont feel i deserve to ask. Of course this doesnt mean I see Allah as being limited. Not. Its just that sometimes when you see those around you with their prayers answered, you wonder. ... Why. But I don't. I know why. I am chosen to go through whatever I am going through.

Unanswered prayers doesnt mean no answer.

I know I know...YOU always choose me to go over this. I know. Its been this way from the begining ya Allah. I know.

Finally made it to the Terry Fox Run this year! Bro and I were registered and all set to do our contribution to cancer research and we were very motivated by Terry Fox.

We did the 8km route. It wasnt as bad as I'd imagined. I don't know how many kms I do when I go around my usual Bt.Timah circuit, but I think it was shorter than that. I need to find me a map to find out how much distance  I am covering at the hill next time.

I had my stomach in stitches after about a couple of kms and started walking in between the run. I ran two thirds of the time though. Finished in under an hour. I need to start running again. Its been years now. Its one activity I cant seem to be doing alone. I need a running partner.

I did some research on Terry Fox when I had a short writing stint at a local company three years ago. I finally made it this year and hope to carry on in the next coming years.
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Read Terry's =http://www.terryfoxrun.org/en...%20fox/letters/default.asp?s=1letter

Its been raining here non-stop the past couple of days, reminding me of the monsoon rain in Kerala.

I would sit by the kitchen and sip my tea with my book watching the rain occationally. Or just sit at the veranda, staring into the endless stretch of coconut trees and the wind blowing so strongly.

We're just about a month away from Ramadan. :-)

I recently stopped wearing the scarf and let my hair out in public after nearly 15 years of wearing it.

I have met people from my muslim circle who reacted contrary to what i'd expected them to...to actually do a Freud on me. I am talking about peers I spent most of my formative years as a tertiary student and my early adult life. Their reaction or rather the lack of it was not what I had anticipated.  I only recieved acceptance and simply, love for me, for just being me. 

I meet a handful, who sort of "react" to my scarfless self. I am sorry that these people only see the lack of a piece of clothing on my head instead of the longing in my heart.

Even if my actions are wrong, as they may percieve it to be. I am saddened by the lack of the spirit of the Prophet in these people.

For the record, if anything at all I am only growing in which ever direction I am taking...may it be a good one and if it isnt may I be guided to the right one...and I am also not on a mission to "convert" the scarfed to being without one either. I am just being myself.

I was very young when I began. At that age, when I didnt have enough clothes, with only 2 pieces of cloth to wear over my head for every other occation, given the economic status I was in, the only fundamental motivation was LOVE. Love and that longing for Allah. I just loved Allah and it was personal ...it still is.

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N.B. On another note, much as I do have my own opinions on the issue of modesty with regards to the muslim womans attire/scarf, I still think France is being riduculous with shoving their absolute secularism down the throats of muslims there. On the same breath I also think muslims are too reactionary and not constructive with their approach to the issue in France as well.

Do people place you at a pedestal? Ever wonder for whatever  the fuck reason they do that for? Don't people have backbones, minds of their own to decide for their sorry asses whats good or bad for them, than to chuck their burdens and responsibilities on you on the account of the pedestal they have placed you?

Why do I have to bear the brunt of some peoples'  insecurities and uncertainties? Why am I acountable for their actions? How did that happen? Just because I was just being me? And now for being the same me, I am demanded an explaination? errmm...how does that balance out? I mean, I do not follow. Why do I owe anyone an explanation?

And do you know what the core of the issue is? You just miss the point. The whole point.

I am thankful, that I didnt expect anything less from the regular  people from my common circle. They are my true companions. People who want to place me at some unreachable pedestial as some idol in their minds can eat their hearts out. Because obviously you don't know yourselves and have no self worth because if you did, you wouldnt make me responsible for anything I have absolutely no control over.

A friend recently expressed how she finds it hard to imagine me giving up my free spirited single life when I get hitched.

I thought she made it sound (not in the pejorative sence...)like only people without a life actually get married and have children. Me with my swimming, running, classes, lectures, and social butterfly activities, wouldnt I find  "giving up" all this for marriage very hard...was her question.

I know I am no where near getting married at the moment. But I also know that I will never change the way I am after marriage. My desire to be in water is very strong. I dont think a commitment to a man would reduce that. I have an inplacatable desire to learn...marriage and children will never be a hinderance to my intellectual pursuits...never. This is my "make-up". ME. My second nature so to speak.

And who says that if you have a career going on for you, you have to be awkward with cooking or cleaning? I always thought that was very narrow minded to have this attitude...to be one-dimentionally ambitious and scorning at what appears to be domestic work that the "non ambitious" are interested in. This is a myopic view to the progress of women. Women who are progressive are true to their nature, their feminity, all the qualities that makes a woman a woman...in any circumstances, work or home. 

I love baking, sewing, cooking, cleaning, learning, and also desire to be successful with my work... with marriage, children and all. My sence of social responsibility will not falter, my desire to contribute and to be a part of a network of people who have the passion for the betterment of mankind will always burn.

Goes without saying of course that life as a single is never going to be the same after marriage...it just doesnt mean that you "dissappear" after that.

I am surrounding by aggressive advertisements for boob jobs, slimming centers and facelifts, botox (this one I could'nt get over)...

I don't want to get into that " beauty is only skin deep"  cliche. We all are vain, to one extend or the other. There is also nature.

Everyone grows old.  If you think a face lift makes you younger or that one less fine line would make you the ultimate alpha male's  dream girl, think again.

I personally know a handfull of women, older women, who are married to much younger men. Think about it...older women, women in their 30s happily married with fulfilling lives with younger men...So, whats the point we are missing out on here?

There is something about beauty that is beyond description, that cannot be seen in the first 15minutes of aquaintance. There is the kind of beauty that commands attension, thats powerful...the beauty that comes with a strong mind, intellect, that mental dexterity that cannot be aquired by any machine in the world...the spirit of man (or woman). This is what holds people together. Not how young or thin you look.

I am still vain. I still worry about that zit or the day when my nice perky *you know what* would one day..._sag.... I also know, that nature will ultimately take its course...but to be a Lenina Crowne?  I don't want to be a part of a ala MustaphaMond paradise engineering nightmare.

Sorry but I can only have the capacity for everlasting youth in the afterlife...so I am quite happy to wait...

To have love around you and to be loved is the most precious, most important recipe for sanity.

Ok. Now I hate how this post sounds philosophical....*grr* I hate  sounding philosophical (self bashes)...

Alhamdulillah. I thought I was dreaming when I heard the news at work yesterday.

The September of 1998,was one I can never forget..that period of time, when we had those late night meetings, reading newspaper articles and  opinions... There were the likes of us who wanted to go across the causeway to protest, do *something* for the unjust and blatant lies against one of  the most dynamic muslim intellectuals in Malaysia of the recent decades.